This last week God has been taking such good care of me! I had such a bad week prior and was just kinda feeling "done." Then, it was like i turned the corner and ran smack dab into the arms of God... He held me all week. It was as if He had His big arm draped over my shoulder and he was leading me through the week, surprising me with little delights along the way... Here are just a few...
Last Sunday, the youth service was awesome... you could just feel something different in the room. Worship went great and Mike did an amazing message. That night we got to take the youth ICE SKATING! I was pretty sure i was going to break my arm... but i only went around the rink 3 times... so i was safe. It was such a FUN TIME! Afterwards we went to a Sonic and had some yummy food. I enjoyed hanging out and laughing with the other youth workers. But the best part was on the ride home. One of our girls told us that she really liked Mike's message from that morning, and that she had felt the Holy Spirit during worship. That was all i needed... i was on top of the world. Thank you God for a perfect, fun, crazy day with the youth!
This week i also went to breakfast with my friend Kym. We met at 9am and had delicious Panera. We don't see each other often, so we needed to catch up. We talked about EVERYTHING... three hours later we were still in the same booth, chatting away! It was so neat to talk about the Lord, and our passions, and different things. I walked away feeling filled with Joy. What a blessing!
Friday night i went to Disneyland with my friends Bre and Steve. It SHOULDN'T have been a fun night at all... the lines were long... a bunch of rides were closed... it was rainy... i fell on the teacups (hahaha)... we were tired... etc. etc. But, it was the best night i have had in a long time! We had the most amazing conversations. We sat on the curb on Main Street, eating ice cream, and just talking. We reminisced a bunch about our days at Forest Home... and did a lot of people watching. The next thing we knew, Disneyland was empty and it was one am. So, onto the drive home... MORE amazing conversations... about how GOOD God is... about the things He is teaching us... about the youth in our churches... about worship... about life. When we made it back to Bre's house we sat in her car and talked for a few more hours. We didn't get home till 4am. It was a great night!
And lastly, i had a good night last night. Good convos after work... good convos on facebook chat... good convos thru text messages till 2am. Ridiculous smile on my face.
God just filled me up this week! I feel refreshed and renewed! I am in LOVE with my Jesus! <3
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
BabyBird
I have a dear friend, Savannah, whom i have grown to love tremendously over the last few months. We text each other ALL the time and share our troubles and our joys with each other. She lives in Arizona, but a few weeks ago she was in CA and came to stay with me for a night. Now, Sav has been going through a LOT of tough stuff in her life... poor decisions that were pulling her away from the Lord. She said she didn't feel like she belonged at church cuz she was "mad at God." She wanted Him to prove Himself... prove that He was there... prove that He loved her.
The night that Sav was visiting me we had a prayer gathering in Redlands. I told her if she wanted to stay with me, that i would be at this prayer thing for most of the night. (Funny how God's timing worked on that one huh?) Well, she got to the prayer night just as we were getting ready to lead worship. We were supposed to sing a few hours earlier, but got pushed back (God's timing yet again). During worship Justin felt led to sing a line over and over, singing, "God, You are for me, You're not against me." I thot nothing of it at the time. When Sav and i got home we stayed up talking for HOURS... and she brought up that song. She said that she found it funny cuz God must be against her, she said her life couldn't get any worse.
I realized a few days later that God WAS showing Himself to Savvy... I emailed her and told her that if she was expecting God to show Himself with thunder and lightning and fireworks, that she was wrong... There was a REASON she was staying with me the night of the prayer gathering... there was a REASON Justin sang those words... there was a REASON that it got to her... God was showing Himself to her by whispering to her heart. I know it was a lot for her to take in at the time... but i also know that it gave her something to dwell on... think about... marinate, if you will.
Tuesday morning, about 2am, i was lying awake in my bed and had a vision. I have never had a vision before, but i have been praying for God to allow these type of things to flourish in my life... and as i laid there i KNEW it was from God... and i KNEW it was for Savannah. I saw this perfect little bird. So tiny and sweet. It was trying to fly but it's little wings were broken. It flapped around on the ground and eventually came to the feet of a big man. This big man scooped up the baby bird in his big hands and said to it, "It's ok little one, I've got you. I will hold you and take care of you. You might be broken, but i'll fix you." I called Savannah at stinking 2am in the morning and told her that SHE was that bird and that GOD was that big man. I didn't know what to make of it at the time... but i KNEW she needed to hear that.
Last week was rough, as i already mentioned. But Wednesday morning it got even rougher. I woke up to a voicemail telling me that Savannah had been in a car accident Tuesday night (the same day that i called her at 2am). Things weren't looking good. As the days progressed, the updates got more serious. Crushed pelvis... brain injury... severed nerve which will cause her to loose the use of her right leg... coma... oxygen levels dropping... they just kept getting worse, and we kept getting discouraged. My baby bird was BROKEN.
My friends and i had pretty much come to terms with the fact that she wasn't going to make it out of this, and that she was going to go home with Jesus. We were heartbroken. I didn't do anything without thinking about her... i couldn't get over that vision and God's timing in it all... there HAD to be a purpose behind it all.
Saturday night came and i know that people all over the WORLD were praying for her. We prayed for her at SNL, and something changed inside of me... my outlook on it all became hopeful. I even talked to some of the girls and their outlook had changed as well! God began to give us all hope and peace. And sure enough her updates became more positive. Surgery to fix her pelvis went well... oxygen levels are better... almost breathing on her own... fluttered her eyelashes... heart rate increases... she MOVED her RIGHT LEG! Every time we checked the website that her mom is updating, it was another positive thing. My baby bird is going to fly again!
We know not to get TOO excited about the good stuff, and not got TOO upset about the bad stuff. But we also know that our GOD is a GOD that is bigger than car accidents, bigger than comas, bigger than nerves in your leg. And we have a hope that she is going to wake up and go DANCING out of that hospital!
Please keep my little bird, Savannah, in your prayers.
Thanks!
The night that Sav was visiting me we had a prayer gathering in Redlands. I told her if she wanted to stay with me, that i would be at this prayer thing for most of the night. (Funny how God's timing worked on that one huh?) Well, she got to the prayer night just as we were getting ready to lead worship. We were supposed to sing a few hours earlier, but got pushed back (God's timing yet again). During worship Justin felt led to sing a line over and over, singing, "God, You are for me, You're not against me." I thot nothing of it at the time. When Sav and i got home we stayed up talking for HOURS... and she brought up that song. She said that she found it funny cuz God must be against her, she said her life couldn't get any worse.
I realized a few days later that God WAS showing Himself to Savvy... I emailed her and told her that if she was expecting God to show Himself with thunder and lightning and fireworks, that she was wrong... There was a REASON she was staying with me the night of the prayer gathering... there was a REASON Justin sang those words... there was a REASON that it got to her... God was showing Himself to her by whispering to her heart. I know it was a lot for her to take in at the time... but i also know that it gave her something to dwell on... think about... marinate, if you will.
Tuesday morning, about 2am, i was lying awake in my bed and had a vision. I have never had a vision before, but i have been praying for God to allow these type of things to flourish in my life... and as i laid there i KNEW it was from God... and i KNEW it was for Savannah. I saw this perfect little bird. So tiny and sweet. It was trying to fly but it's little wings were broken. It flapped around on the ground and eventually came to the feet of a big man. This big man scooped up the baby bird in his big hands and said to it, "It's ok little one, I've got you. I will hold you and take care of you. You might be broken, but i'll fix you." I called Savannah at stinking 2am in the morning and told her that SHE was that bird and that GOD was that big man. I didn't know what to make of it at the time... but i KNEW she needed to hear that.
Last week was rough, as i already mentioned. But Wednesday morning it got even rougher. I woke up to a voicemail telling me that Savannah had been in a car accident Tuesday night (the same day that i called her at 2am). Things weren't looking good. As the days progressed, the updates got more serious. Crushed pelvis... brain injury... severed nerve which will cause her to loose the use of her right leg... coma... oxygen levels dropping... they just kept getting worse, and we kept getting discouraged. My baby bird was BROKEN.
My friends and i had pretty much come to terms with the fact that she wasn't going to make it out of this, and that she was going to go home with Jesus. We were heartbroken. I didn't do anything without thinking about her... i couldn't get over that vision and God's timing in it all... there HAD to be a purpose behind it all.
Saturday night came and i know that people all over the WORLD were praying for her. We prayed for her at SNL, and something changed inside of me... my outlook on it all became hopeful. I even talked to some of the girls and their outlook had changed as well! God began to give us all hope and peace. And sure enough her updates became more positive. Surgery to fix her pelvis went well... oxygen levels are better... almost breathing on her own... fluttered her eyelashes... heart rate increases... she MOVED her RIGHT LEG! Every time we checked the website that her mom is updating, it was another positive thing. My baby bird is going to fly again!
We know not to get TOO excited about the good stuff, and not got TOO upset about the bad stuff. But we also know that our GOD is a GOD that is bigger than car accidents, bigger than comas, bigger than nerves in your leg. And we have a hope that she is going to wake up and go DANCING out of that hospital!
Please keep my little bird, Savannah, in your prayers.
Thanks!
Band-Aids
Wow... it's been two months since i last sat down and shared my thoughts... Lately i have been thinking in "Blog"... i mean literally laying in bed, trying to sleep, but writing a blog in my head. It's ridiculous. Hahaha... well, a ton has happened... but today i think i only have time to write about one... so consider this Part One of my three-part blog catch-up! :)
Here we go!
My heart has been hurting lately. But Jesus always seems to put on the band-aids for me... he should really take up stock in band-aids... he's handing them out like lollipops to little kids. I feel like i'm falling down and getting scraped up around every corner. It gets tiring, but i know it's going to all make sense one day.
A few weeks ago i was at House 2 Home (the church in Alta Loma that i go to) and my heart felt super heavy. Something just wasn't right within me. During worship i couldn't even sing... now THAT is when you KNOW somethings up... when i can't even enjoy my favorite thing! I stood there listening to the words and arguing with God... I want the joy of the Lord in my life "Yeah God... i do... so WHERE IS IT!?" We'll be a dancing generation... "I don't FEEL like dancing God!" After a few songs i finally broke. I was on my knees in front of God, simply sobbing... i havent cried that hard in a long time. I felt like my heart was breaking... and it hurt... but at the same time it was as if God was whispering to me the whole time, "Daughter, i've got you. I know you are hurting... but you gave your heart away! That heart of yours is meant for me! I am going to get it back, and it might hurt a little, but i've got you. You are here in my hands and i've got the perfect band-aid. It's ok to cry. It's ok to hurt. It's ok. I've got you!" So i just cried to my Daddy God... and He was right. I was about to get hurt, and He was going to hold onto me.
That day was tough. I cried on and off mostly all day. I did have a wonderful talk with an old friend... He took me to get ice cream. I felt better... for a while. But the next day when i woke up i felt drained. I didn't want to eat... i couldn't fall back asleep... i didn't want to do anything. I decided that i officially had what i like to call a "Heart Hangover." I kinda felt like i was walking around in a daze... another friend lost... great. I was completely out of it for those first two days. Wednesday came around and something much bigger came up (thats for the next blog) and i completely pushed all this hurt aside. I didn't have time to worry or be upset about this anymore...
Saturday night rolls around and it's the end of another long month. Which means "Saturday Night Live" at House 2 Home. Every last Saturday we put on a prayer and worship night and it is amazing. People get blown away by the presence of God every time... it's never the same... i LOVE it. Well... while the concerns from Wednesday were first on my heart, i realized there at church that i never really finished being hurt... going through the process and healing... And thats when i realized it was time for some forgiveness... yuck. never a fun thing. I sat there and listened while these young kids took turns getting up and praying and interceding for their friends. I felt that i really needed to pray for my friend Andy, but as i was walking up to the microphone i realized, "How can i stand here and pray for someone that i love, when i am angry and bitter at someone else that i love..." ugh. i was torn. That's when i remembered that little piece on forgiveness from the book "Captivating." I have posted it twice before... you better believe i am posting it again. It's a good thing to remember...
"Forgiveness is a CHOICE. It is not a feeling- don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will... We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past... We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we chose to extend forgiveness to... those who hurt us. This is NOT saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is NOT saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And i release you. I give you to God."
Yup... once again i released all of this over to God. Right there in front of everyone. It wasnt easy, and my friend knows that. But, I love that it says that it is a choice... not a feeling. Cuz let me tell you, i don't FEEL very forgiving when it comes to MY heart being broken... but i CHOOSE to forgive because i truly love this friend... and i will CHOOSE to forgive him everytime this hurt comes up in my mind. Maybe thats what He meant when Jesus said, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:22) You don't just forgive once, but every time you bring it back up in your mind you have to make that choice to forgive again... even 77 times. hmm...
***Geeze, God... You did it again... why do i doubt? You are too good!***
Anyways... thats the story of my recent need for another band-aid.
Stay tuned for my next blog... maybe i'll go get some coffee and finish it today as well...
Here we go!
My heart has been hurting lately. But Jesus always seems to put on the band-aids for me... he should really take up stock in band-aids... he's handing them out like lollipops to little kids. I feel like i'm falling down and getting scraped up around every corner. It gets tiring, but i know it's going to all make sense one day.
A few weeks ago i was at House 2 Home (the church in Alta Loma that i go to) and my heart felt super heavy. Something just wasn't right within me. During worship i couldn't even sing... now THAT is when you KNOW somethings up... when i can't even enjoy my favorite thing! I stood there listening to the words and arguing with God... I want the joy of the Lord in my life "Yeah God... i do... so WHERE IS IT!?" We'll be a dancing generation... "I don't FEEL like dancing God!" After a few songs i finally broke. I was on my knees in front of God, simply sobbing... i havent cried that hard in a long time. I felt like my heart was breaking... and it hurt... but at the same time it was as if God was whispering to me the whole time, "Daughter, i've got you. I know you are hurting... but you gave your heart away! That heart of yours is meant for me! I am going to get it back, and it might hurt a little, but i've got you. You are here in my hands and i've got the perfect band-aid. It's ok to cry. It's ok to hurt. It's ok. I've got you!" So i just cried to my Daddy God... and He was right. I was about to get hurt, and He was going to hold onto me.
That day was tough. I cried on and off mostly all day. I did have a wonderful talk with an old friend... He took me to get ice cream. I felt better... for a while. But the next day when i woke up i felt drained. I didn't want to eat... i couldn't fall back asleep... i didn't want to do anything. I decided that i officially had what i like to call a "Heart Hangover." I kinda felt like i was walking around in a daze... another friend lost... great. I was completely out of it for those first two days. Wednesday came around and something much bigger came up (thats for the next blog) and i completely pushed all this hurt aside. I didn't have time to worry or be upset about this anymore...
Saturday night rolls around and it's the end of another long month. Which means "Saturday Night Live" at House 2 Home. Every last Saturday we put on a prayer and worship night and it is amazing. People get blown away by the presence of God every time... it's never the same... i LOVE it. Well... while the concerns from Wednesday were first on my heart, i realized there at church that i never really finished being hurt... going through the process and healing... And thats when i realized it was time for some forgiveness... yuck. never a fun thing. I sat there and listened while these young kids took turns getting up and praying and interceding for their friends. I felt that i really needed to pray for my friend Andy, but as i was walking up to the microphone i realized, "How can i stand here and pray for someone that i love, when i am angry and bitter at someone else that i love..." ugh. i was torn. That's when i remembered that little piece on forgiveness from the book "Captivating." I have posted it twice before... you better believe i am posting it again. It's a good thing to remember...
"Forgiveness is a CHOICE. It is not a feeling- don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will... We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past... We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we chose to extend forgiveness to... those who hurt us. This is NOT saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is NOT saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And i release you. I give you to God."
Yup... once again i released all of this over to God. Right there in front of everyone. It wasnt easy, and my friend knows that. But, I love that it says that it is a choice... not a feeling. Cuz let me tell you, i don't FEEL very forgiving when it comes to MY heart being broken... but i CHOOSE to forgive because i truly love this friend... and i will CHOOSE to forgive him everytime this hurt comes up in my mind. Maybe thats what He meant when Jesus said, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:22) You don't just forgive once, but every time you bring it back up in your mind you have to make that choice to forgive again... even 77 times. hmm...
***Geeze, God... You did it again... why do i doubt? You are too good!***
Anyways... thats the story of my recent need for another band-aid.
Stay tuned for my next blog... maybe i'll go get some coffee and finish it today as well...
Monday, February 2, 2009
God's provision...
God is SO good! I have been looking for a job since the beginning of the year... i was getting a little stressed because it just felt like there was NOTHING out there. Well, last week i finally found myself saying, "It's OK. God will take care of it. He did before, he'll do it again." And then, the DAY AFTER those words were muttered out of my mouth TWO doors were opened.
I put in an application back in October at Berean Christian bookstores. I did it on a whim... not really expecting anything. And i completely forgot about it. Well last week they called to tell me they had an open position and would like to interview me. So, i went in this morning for an interview and walked out with a JOB!
Also, the same day that Berean calls, i get an email from the radio station i was working at. They have some temporary work for me to do. So, after my interview this morning i went over to KSGN to tell them the good/bad news... awesome that i got a job... not so awesome that i can't be there at the station all the time. But, i will still be able to do work for them whenever I'm not working at Berean.
And, on top of all this goodness, the station manager emails me tonight about doing some work at home for them! I am basically their "Facebook girl!" It sounds so silly! But i am creating a page for the station, and running it and updating it. There will be places for people to listen online, to donate, we will post photos, etc. And they are going to PAY ME!
WHAT!?
So, as SOON as i hand it ALL over to God and say "No big deal, God... you've got this!" then... BAM! I get basically two new jobs on the same day! Now... why doesn't it work the same when it comes to relationships? hahaha Guess i haven't completely given that one over yet... man... i gotta get on that! :)
I put in an application back in October at Berean Christian bookstores. I did it on a whim... not really expecting anything. And i completely forgot about it. Well last week they called to tell me they had an open position and would like to interview me. So, i went in this morning for an interview and walked out with a JOB!
Also, the same day that Berean calls, i get an email from the radio station i was working at. They have some temporary work for me to do. So, after my interview this morning i went over to KSGN to tell them the good/bad news... awesome that i got a job... not so awesome that i can't be there at the station all the time. But, i will still be able to do work for them whenever I'm not working at Berean.
And, on top of all this goodness, the station manager emails me tonight about doing some work at home for them! I am basically their "Facebook girl!" It sounds so silly! But i am creating a page for the station, and running it and updating it. There will be places for people to listen online, to donate, we will post photos, etc. And they are going to PAY ME!
WHAT!?
So, as SOON as i hand it ALL over to God and say "No big deal, God... you've got this!" then... BAM! I get basically two new jobs on the same day! Now... why doesn't it work the same when it comes to relationships? hahaha Guess i haven't completely given that one over yet... man... i gotta get on that! :)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
now onto bigger and better things...
This weekend was amazing! God did some crazy things and I'm so excited about them! On Saturday i got to play and sing my own songs at a coffee shop in Highland. I was so blessed by the family and friends that came to see me! Before i started i was BEYOND nervous... i thought i was going to throw up for sure! But after the first song, i felt great! It was so cool to be able to sing my OWN stuff... I wish i had more than four songs, and a thirty minute slot... i could have played for hours!
After the showcase, a few friends and i went to a worship service. AMAZING things happened here! The majority of people there were teenagers... and they were ready and willing to be rocked by the Lord. During worship these kids were dancing and singing... they were on their knees... on their faces... crying out to God! It was so moving! I want that same passion for worship to spread to my youth group that i work with... And i fully believe that the Lord will bring it in His own time. All in all it was a great night! Here is what the Lord showed me that night...
As you probably read, in my last blog, i had a recent "falling out" of sorts with a close friend. I really wanted to "forgive and forget" but it was SO hard to do! The worldly part of me wanted to say, "No way! He hurt me bad and he needs to make up for that! He needs to be reminded of what he did! He owes me!" But that isn't what we are called to do! Saturday night i looked over at my friend... on his knees in worship, and my heart broke for him. I remembered something i had read a while back about forgiveness: (yes i have posted this in a blog before... it's THAT good!)
"Forgiveness is a CHOICE. It is not a feeling- don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will... We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past... We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we chose to extend forgiveness to... those who hurt us. This is NOT saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is NOT saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And i release you. I give you to God."
So i did just that... i allowed God to bring up that hurt... and then i extended forgiveness to my friend. I had to make a conscious decision to not dwell on what happened... but to simply move forward. I am so thankful that the Lord opened my eyes to this. All though it is hard and still hurts often... i know the Lord is teaching us both and stretching us both... and he has got some bigger and better things planned... i can't wait!
After the showcase, a few friends and i went to a worship service. AMAZING things happened here! The majority of people there were teenagers... and they were ready and willing to be rocked by the Lord. During worship these kids were dancing and singing... they were on their knees... on their faces... crying out to God! It was so moving! I want that same passion for worship to spread to my youth group that i work with... And i fully believe that the Lord will bring it in His own time. All in all it was a great night! Here is what the Lord showed me that night...
As you probably read, in my last blog, i had a recent "falling out" of sorts with a close friend. I really wanted to "forgive and forget" but it was SO hard to do! The worldly part of me wanted to say, "No way! He hurt me bad and he needs to make up for that! He needs to be reminded of what he did! He owes me!" But that isn't what we are called to do! Saturday night i looked over at my friend... on his knees in worship, and my heart broke for him. I remembered something i had read a while back about forgiveness: (yes i have posted this in a blog before... it's THAT good!)
"Forgiveness is a CHOICE. It is not a feeling- don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will... We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past... We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we chose to extend forgiveness to... those who hurt us. This is NOT saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is NOT saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And i release you. I give you to God."
So i did just that... i allowed God to bring up that hurt... and then i extended forgiveness to my friend. I had to make a conscious decision to not dwell on what happened... but to simply move forward. I am so thankful that the Lord opened my eyes to this. All though it is hard and still hurts often... i know the Lord is teaching us both and stretching us both... and he has got some bigger and better things planned... i can't wait!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
thinking about friendships...
What is a true friend?
I mean, what does that look like? What does it entail?
Does a true friend say things like how your friendship means nothing to them?
Or how about only being able to handle you in small doses?
Even after the apologies... Does a true friend get out there phone and respond to a text message while you are in the middle of pouring out your heart?
No. I didn't think so.
Is it someone who you share the same likes and dislikes with?
Who you share the same passions with?
Who you share the same desires with?
Or is it someone who laughs at the same inappropriate jokes as you?
Saves you all the red Sour Patch Kids?
The cherry from their cherry coke?
Is a true friend the person who answers the phone at one in the morning to listen to you cry, and talk you through your pain?
Who tells you the truth, even when it sucks?
Yeah. That's more like it.
Jesus was the ultimate True Friend.
And Jesus, He was LOVE.
True friends are patient with you and don't give up.
True friends speak kind words and do kind things.
True friends aren't rude.
True friends don't have an "it's all about me" attitude.
True friends are slow to anger and don't hold grudges.
True friends delight in the truth.
True friends put up with anything.
True friends trust God in the relationship.
True friends always look for the best.
True friends never look back, but keep going to the end.
***Lord, please heal my heart... and help me to forgive him. I may be hurt, but i also need to continue in love. Just like your word says. I don't know what's next... i don't know what the next step is. I don't even know what to pray anymore. I trust that as long as i keep my eyes focused on You, that you will take care of me. Help me to keep those verses close to heart. Bring them to mind whenever i get upset. God, heal this broken friendship. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. And i don't know why that is. I know i need to extend grace and forgiveness in the areas where i have been hurt, help me in that. God, if there is a purpose within this friendship, let it grow and flourish. But above all else, heal my heart. I'm feeling an incredible amount of pain from that ONE comment... i can't get it out of my mind! How do i move on from that? Lord show me... and Lord... show him. As you work in me, do the same for him. I lift us both up to you... only YOU know what's best. You've got some crazy plan hidden up your sleeve. Take this ALL from me! Thank you for being the ultimate friend... and for showing me what LOVE is!***
I mean, what does that look like? What does it entail?
Does a true friend say things like how your friendship means nothing to them?
Or how about only being able to handle you in small doses?
Even after the apologies... Does a true friend get out there phone and respond to a text message while you are in the middle of pouring out your heart?
No. I didn't think so.
Is it someone who you share the same likes and dislikes with?
Who you share the same passions with?
Who you share the same desires with?
Or is it someone who laughs at the same inappropriate jokes as you?
Saves you all the red Sour Patch Kids?
The cherry from their cherry coke?
Is a true friend the person who answers the phone at one in the morning to listen to you cry, and talk you through your pain?
Who tells you the truth, even when it sucks?
Yeah. That's more like it.
Jesus was the ultimate True Friend.
And Jesus, He was LOVE.
True friends are patient with you and don't give up.
True friends speak kind words and do kind things.
True friends aren't rude.
True friends don't have an "it's all about me" attitude.
True friends are slow to anger and don't hold grudges.
True friends delight in the truth.
True friends put up with anything.
True friends trust God in the relationship.
True friends always look for the best.
True friends never look back, but keep going to the end.
***Lord, please heal my heart... and help me to forgive him. I may be hurt, but i also need to continue in love. Just like your word says. I don't know what's next... i don't know what the next step is. I don't even know what to pray anymore. I trust that as long as i keep my eyes focused on You, that you will take care of me. Help me to keep those verses close to heart. Bring them to mind whenever i get upset. God, heal this broken friendship. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. And i don't know why that is. I know i need to extend grace and forgiveness in the areas where i have been hurt, help me in that. God, if there is a purpose within this friendship, let it grow and flourish. But above all else, heal my heart. I'm feeling an incredible amount of pain from that ONE comment... i can't get it out of my mind! How do i move on from that? Lord show me... and Lord... show him. As you work in me, do the same for him. I lift us both up to you... only YOU know what's best. You've got some crazy plan hidden up your sleeve. Take this ALL from me! Thank you for being the ultimate friend... and for showing me what LOVE is!***
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
i feel a little crazy....
It's been a rough week for me... LOTS going on around me...LOTS going on inside my head.
For instance... I no longer have a job. I was working at a local Christian radio station, but they no longer have the funds to keep me hired on. I totally understand this... but i DO miss it. I made some wonderful friendships there. I am hoping to one day be able to go back and work there again. But not having a job is a little stressful and definitely not what i needed on top of all this other stuff...
Also, this last weekend i had a TINY little breakdown. Got into a fight with the parents... cried my eyes out... had nowhere to go... ya know... one of my typical episodes. It was harder still this time because as i sat outside looking at my cell phone, trying to figure out who i could call to come "rescue me" from that disaster... i realized i was pretty much alone. I ended up being fine after all and spent most of my night thinking about and re-evaluating what a "true friend" is. That was a little painful.
Speaking of that whole situation... regarding friendships and all... Last night i sat down and watched the movie "The Holiday" and definitely broke down in tears during one scene. I found the movie quotes online...
"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you... I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."
Um... OUCH! Right? So, as far as this whole situation goes... i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I will simply just continue to pray so hard for restoration and healing. If you want, you all can pray with me in that. (If you know me at all, you know what this is about!) It got a little bit more complicated today... but nothing worth blogging about! Hahaha
BUT... on a much HAPPIER note... i am hopefully starting to get more involved in ministry at my church. I should be back doing worship for the youth soon, and maybe even worship for the main sanctuary on a rotating worship team. I feel like the Lord is telling me to POUR myself into worship ministry right now. Now that i have had a little break from being in ministry, i have been exposed to some awesome times of worship. Some of my favorite times were simply with just one guitar, and people with hearts for worship. But REAL worship... unashamed... no abandon worship. So now i really want to encourage and lead the people (especially the youth) of my church in this type of worship. I get excited when i think about the future of my church. So right now i am putting my efforts and enthusiasms into church... into my friends wedding (I'm her maid of honor)... and into losing weight (taking out my aggression at the gym, and not on my poor parents)! I feel like things are going to be changing a lot soon... and I truly am excited for it all.
For instance... I no longer have a job. I was working at a local Christian radio station, but they no longer have the funds to keep me hired on. I totally understand this... but i DO miss it. I made some wonderful friendships there. I am hoping to one day be able to go back and work there again. But not having a job is a little stressful and definitely not what i needed on top of all this other stuff...
Also, this last weekend i had a TINY little breakdown. Got into a fight with the parents... cried my eyes out... had nowhere to go... ya know... one of my typical episodes. It was harder still this time because as i sat outside looking at my cell phone, trying to figure out who i could call to come "rescue me" from that disaster... i realized i was pretty much alone. I ended up being fine after all and spent most of my night thinking about and re-evaluating what a "true friend" is. That was a little painful.
Speaking of that whole situation... regarding friendships and all... Last night i sat down and watched the movie "The Holiday" and definitely broke down in tears during one scene. I found the movie quotes online...
"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you... I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."
Um... OUCH! Right? So, as far as this whole situation goes... i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I will simply just continue to pray so hard for restoration and healing. If you want, you all can pray with me in that. (If you know me at all, you know what this is about!) It got a little bit more complicated today... but nothing worth blogging about! Hahaha
BUT... on a much HAPPIER note... i am hopefully starting to get more involved in ministry at my church. I should be back doing worship for the youth soon, and maybe even worship for the main sanctuary on a rotating worship team. I feel like the Lord is telling me to POUR myself into worship ministry right now. Now that i have had a little break from being in ministry, i have been exposed to some awesome times of worship. Some of my favorite times were simply with just one guitar, and people with hearts for worship. But REAL worship... unashamed... no abandon worship. So now i really want to encourage and lead the people (especially the youth) of my church in this type of worship. I get excited when i think about the future of my church. So right now i am putting my efforts and enthusiasms into church... into my friends wedding (I'm her maid of honor)... and into losing weight (taking out my aggression at the gym, and not on my poor parents)! I feel like things are going to be changing a lot soon... and I truly am excited for it all.
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