my new best friend....

Ana Sophia Cowen was born yesterday! I got to go see her today... and she is PERFECT!

I mean... getting to hold someone who isn't even 24 hours old yet... it was the craziest thing! Little fingers and little toes... it just makes you realize how AMAZING our God is!

It's so weird to think that yesterday afternoon, there was no little baby in a pink onesie... no burp cloths with spit up on them... Hannah wasnt even planning on going in untill monday! Surprise! Now there is a perfect little girl, in her cute pink outift, with a precious headband on her day old head... :)

Ana has this perfect blonde birthmark on the side of her head... mixed in with beautiful dark brown hair. It's so unique. What a fun gift from God birthmarks are... I have one on the back of my leg... its a wierd shaped mark with a ton of freckles in it. Matthew calls it "poop." God has such a great sense of humor.

Is it weird too, that this baby (and her older brother Matthew), have completely stolen my heart!? And they arent even family! Hahaha...

Ok, so that's all for now. Maybe once i figure out this blogspot stuff i'll post some pics of my new best friend Ana Banana. (pronounced AH-NAH BAH-NAH-NAH!)

Love.

oh my.

Ok... so im not super tech savy and i dont know how to make it so you can see the whole picture... Its a funny one too... :(

Oh well. hahaha

All you ever needed to know about me...

nataliedee.com

... can be found in Nataliee Dee cartoons. For Example: this one pretty much sums me up. That's all for today.

Grandpa Johnny

My Grandpa is dying.
It sucks, not just cuz he's going to die... everyone dies. But because his heart is hard. All my life our family has been telling him and my Grandma about Jesus. But they don't want anything to do with Jesus. To them, its all a joke. And it makes it very hard to be wround them during the holidays and other family get togethers. But nevertheless... my amazing dad has continued to tell them more and more about Jesus (whether they like it or not). I know this time just SUCKS for him. I can't imagine how much he hurts. I guess lately my Grandpa hasnt been sleeping, he gets woken up in the middle of the night and he'll just go out and sit in his chair. I pray that the Lord is speaking to him during those long nights... that he is reflecting on his life... all the things my dad has told him over the years... Anyway... Im working on a new song. Its about my grandpa.
Someday i'll post it.

last november

Here's another poem i wrote this summer... i was thinking a lot about the whole concept of "I'm not who i was..." and this just came to me. It's super personal, and extremely cathartic...

Last November

"I hate so much of who i was.

No longer the girl who was there that night.

I was drunk.

Not drunk on wine, or hard liquor.

Drunk on affection.

No, affection is the wrong word.

Affection brings forth feelings of endearment.

There were no feelings involved on his part.

He was blank.

And i was drunk.

Drunk on attention.

It started with just a "sip."

Unbuttoning my blouse, then i simply jumped in.

Drowning in his ocean of lies.

The sheets could have been my life vest, saving me from what was to come.

But they were carelessly tossed aside.

We lay there...

Naked.

Vulnerable.

Blank.

Drunk.

I hate so much of that night...

Ciggarettes and peppermint gum.

Scruffy beards and robotic kisses.

Blue Chevy trucks and grey buttons.

I hate him.

I hate me.

I hate so much of who i was."

If you know me at all, you know what this is about. Praise our Father that i have become such a different person. Thats what is so amazing about God... he can take the most awfull situation, and bring forth so much GOOD! Allthough i may have been hurt, and i know what i did that night was wrong... i am thankfull for the lessons learned in it, and who i have become... a woman searching after the heart of her Father in heaven... not about to give herself over to anyone...

Praise God!

Thank you Jesus!

my home...

I feel kind of lost right now. Like, im not so sure WHERE it is that i belong.

This week im working up at Forest Home as a nursery "mom" with the toddlers. I dont have any shifts at Starbucks this week, and i needed the extra money. So i was pretty excited to put on that gold nametag and go back "home." The morning was allright. The kids cried and pooped... that was pretty much it.

But then i went up to eat lunch in the Staff dining room. I felt like i was an unwanted guest in my OWN home. It was just awkward. Of course, there were people like Music Mama and Adam that sat and chatted with me... making me feel like nothing had changed. But from the rest of my old friends... it felt like the cold shoulder. I wanted to get out of there, and quick!

My heart just hurts right now. A lot. Forest Home IS my second home. My passion is being there and loving those families. But today i felt like the wind got knocked out of me... my heart was ripped out. I didnt belong... and that is not me.

I'm praying that next week these feelings will have gone. I am staying up there and covering for whoever goes home early on the FYCP staff. Im hoping to work with older kids... i love that. I feel like its my nich. I fit in there... the kids think im cool... i think they are cool... its a good thing. So we shall see. But if i still feel lost... unwanted... whatever... i am just going to have to pray extra hard. I dont want anything spoiling the ONE week i have been looking forward to since LAST YEAR.

Country Music

I'm alright... really... but don't worry, when i become a famous country singer i will definitly be writing a song or two about the relationship woes of dating that boy. The good and the bad i'm sure.
I am really serious about singing and writing songs... and i dont know if people believe me. It's a little weird too... cuz things will just come to me at random times and i will HAVE to write it down before i forget it... or if a melody comes to mind i will HAVE to record it onto my phone or else its gone... But i mean, this has never come to me like this. I use to TRY to write songs and NOTHING would come of it... And so far i've written two pretty good songs. Hey! That's half an EP. Im almost there.
Here's my blog confession for the day: I definitly went online to check out and sign up for Nashville Star. It's like the Country Music version of American Idol. And i REALLY want to go on it... if not to win, at least to have fun and sing a little. I dont even know if i would make it past whatever the first auditions are... but its sure fun to pretend like i'll make it. Who knows... maybe I will be the ones opening for Tim and Faith on their next tour.
Anyways... I just had to get it out there... im a total nerd and i want to be a country super star. There.