This weekend was amazing! God did some crazy things and I'm so excited about them! On Saturday i got to play and sing my own songs at a coffee shop in Highland. I was so blessed by the family and friends that came to see me! Before i started i was BEYOND nervous... i thought i was going to throw up for sure! But after the first song, i felt great! It was so cool to be able to sing my OWN stuff... I wish i had more than four songs, and a thirty minute slot... i could have played for hours!
After the showcase, a few friends and i went to a worship service. AMAZING things happened here! The majority of people there were teenagers... and they were ready and willing to be rocked by the Lord. During worship these kids were dancing and singing... they were on their knees... on their faces... crying out to God! It was so moving! I want that same passion for worship to spread to my youth group that i work with... And i fully believe that the Lord will bring it in His own time. All in all it was a great night! Here is what the Lord showed me that night...
As you probably read, in my last blog, i had a recent "falling out" of sorts with a close friend. I really wanted to "forgive and forget" but it was SO hard to do! The worldly part of me wanted to say, "No way! He hurt me bad and he needs to make up for that! He needs to be reminded of what he did! He owes me!" But that isn't what we are called to do! Saturday night i looked over at my friend... on his knees in worship, and my heart broke for him. I remembered something i had read a while back about forgiveness: (yes i have posted this in a blog before... it's THAT good!)
"Forgiveness is a CHOICE. It is not a feeling- don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will... We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past... We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we chose to extend forgiveness to... those who hurt us. This is NOT saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is NOT saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And i release you. I give you to God."
So i did just that... i allowed God to bring up that hurt... and then i extended forgiveness to my friend. I had to make a conscious decision to not dwell on what happened... but to simply move forward. I am so thankful that the Lord opened my eyes to this. All though it is hard and still hurts often... i know the Lord is teaching us both and stretching us both... and he has got some bigger and better things planned... i can't wait!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
thinking about friendships...
What is a true friend?
I mean, what does that look like? What does it entail?
Does a true friend say things like how your friendship means nothing to them?
Or how about only being able to handle you in small doses?
Even after the apologies... Does a true friend get out there phone and respond to a text message while you are in the middle of pouring out your heart?
No. I didn't think so.
Is it someone who you share the same likes and dislikes with?
Who you share the same passions with?
Who you share the same desires with?
Or is it someone who laughs at the same inappropriate jokes as you?
Saves you all the red Sour Patch Kids?
The cherry from their cherry coke?
Is a true friend the person who answers the phone at one in the morning to listen to you cry, and talk you through your pain?
Who tells you the truth, even when it sucks?
Yeah. That's more like it.
Jesus was the ultimate True Friend.
And Jesus, He was LOVE.
True friends are patient with you and don't give up.
True friends speak kind words and do kind things.
True friends aren't rude.
True friends don't have an "it's all about me" attitude.
True friends are slow to anger and don't hold grudges.
True friends delight in the truth.
True friends put up with anything.
True friends trust God in the relationship.
True friends always look for the best.
True friends never look back, but keep going to the end.
***Lord, please heal my heart... and help me to forgive him. I may be hurt, but i also need to continue in love. Just like your word says. I don't know what's next... i don't know what the next step is. I don't even know what to pray anymore. I trust that as long as i keep my eyes focused on You, that you will take care of me. Help me to keep those verses close to heart. Bring them to mind whenever i get upset. God, heal this broken friendship. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. And i don't know why that is. I know i need to extend grace and forgiveness in the areas where i have been hurt, help me in that. God, if there is a purpose within this friendship, let it grow and flourish. But above all else, heal my heart. I'm feeling an incredible amount of pain from that ONE comment... i can't get it out of my mind! How do i move on from that? Lord show me... and Lord... show him. As you work in me, do the same for him. I lift us both up to you... only YOU know what's best. You've got some crazy plan hidden up your sleeve. Take this ALL from me! Thank you for being the ultimate friend... and for showing me what LOVE is!***
I mean, what does that look like? What does it entail?
Does a true friend say things like how your friendship means nothing to them?
Or how about only being able to handle you in small doses?
Even after the apologies... Does a true friend get out there phone and respond to a text message while you are in the middle of pouring out your heart?
No. I didn't think so.
Is it someone who you share the same likes and dislikes with?
Who you share the same passions with?
Who you share the same desires with?
Or is it someone who laughs at the same inappropriate jokes as you?
Saves you all the red Sour Patch Kids?
The cherry from their cherry coke?
Is a true friend the person who answers the phone at one in the morning to listen to you cry, and talk you through your pain?
Who tells you the truth, even when it sucks?
Yeah. That's more like it.
Jesus was the ultimate True Friend.
And Jesus, He was LOVE.
True friends are patient with you and don't give up.
True friends speak kind words and do kind things.
True friends aren't rude.
True friends don't have an "it's all about me" attitude.
True friends are slow to anger and don't hold grudges.
True friends delight in the truth.
True friends put up with anything.
True friends trust God in the relationship.
True friends always look for the best.
True friends never look back, but keep going to the end.
***Lord, please heal my heart... and help me to forgive him. I may be hurt, but i also need to continue in love. Just like your word says. I don't know what's next... i don't know what the next step is. I don't even know what to pray anymore. I trust that as long as i keep my eyes focused on You, that you will take care of me. Help me to keep those verses close to heart. Bring them to mind whenever i get upset. God, heal this broken friendship. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. And i don't know why that is. I know i need to extend grace and forgiveness in the areas where i have been hurt, help me in that. God, if there is a purpose within this friendship, let it grow and flourish. But above all else, heal my heart. I'm feeling an incredible amount of pain from that ONE comment... i can't get it out of my mind! How do i move on from that? Lord show me... and Lord... show him. As you work in me, do the same for him. I lift us both up to you... only YOU know what's best. You've got some crazy plan hidden up your sleeve. Take this ALL from me! Thank you for being the ultimate friend... and for showing me what LOVE is!***
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
i feel a little crazy....
It's been a rough week for me... LOTS going on around me...LOTS going on inside my head.
For instance... I no longer have a job. I was working at a local Christian radio station, but they no longer have the funds to keep me hired on. I totally understand this... but i DO miss it. I made some wonderful friendships there. I am hoping to one day be able to go back and work there again. But not having a job is a little stressful and definitely not what i needed on top of all this other stuff...
Also, this last weekend i had a TINY little breakdown. Got into a fight with the parents... cried my eyes out... had nowhere to go... ya know... one of my typical episodes. It was harder still this time because as i sat outside looking at my cell phone, trying to figure out who i could call to come "rescue me" from that disaster... i realized i was pretty much alone. I ended up being fine after all and spent most of my night thinking about and re-evaluating what a "true friend" is. That was a little painful.
Speaking of that whole situation... regarding friendships and all... Last night i sat down and watched the movie "The Holiday" and definitely broke down in tears during one scene. I found the movie quotes online...
"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you... I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."
Um... OUCH! Right? So, as far as this whole situation goes... i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I will simply just continue to pray so hard for restoration and healing. If you want, you all can pray with me in that. (If you know me at all, you know what this is about!) It got a little bit more complicated today... but nothing worth blogging about! Hahaha
BUT... on a much HAPPIER note... i am hopefully starting to get more involved in ministry at my church. I should be back doing worship for the youth soon, and maybe even worship for the main sanctuary on a rotating worship team. I feel like the Lord is telling me to POUR myself into worship ministry right now. Now that i have had a little break from being in ministry, i have been exposed to some awesome times of worship. Some of my favorite times were simply with just one guitar, and people with hearts for worship. But REAL worship... unashamed... no abandon worship. So now i really want to encourage and lead the people (especially the youth) of my church in this type of worship. I get excited when i think about the future of my church. So right now i am putting my efforts and enthusiasms into church... into my friends wedding (I'm her maid of honor)... and into losing weight (taking out my aggression at the gym, and not on my poor parents)! I feel like things are going to be changing a lot soon... and I truly am excited for it all.
For instance... I no longer have a job. I was working at a local Christian radio station, but they no longer have the funds to keep me hired on. I totally understand this... but i DO miss it. I made some wonderful friendships there. I am hoping to one day be able to go back and work there again. But not having a job is a little stressful and definitely not what i needed on top of all this other stuff...
Also, this last weekend i had a TINY little breakdown. Got into a fight with the parents... cried my eyes out... had nowhere to go... ya know... one of my typical episodes. It was harder still this time because as i sat outside looking at my cell phone, trying to figure out who i could call to come "rescue me" from that disaster... i realized i was pretty much alone. I ended up being fine after all and spent most of my night thinking about and re-evaluating what a "true friend" is. That was a little painful.
Speaking of that whole situation... regarding friendships and all... Last night i sat down and watched the movie "The Holiday" and definitely broke down in tears during one scene. I found the movie quotes online...
"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you... I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."
Um... OUCH! Right? So, as far as this whole situation goes... i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I will simply just continue to pray so hard for restoration and healing. If you want, you all can pray with me in that. (If you know me at all, you know what this is about!) It got a little bit more complicated today... but nothing worth blogging about! Hahaha
BUT... on a much HAPPIER note... i am hopefully starting to get more involved in ministry at my church. I should be back doing worship for the youth soon, and maybe even worship for the main sanctuary on a rotating worship team. I feel like the Lord is telling me to POUR myself into worship ministry right now. Now that i have had a little break from being in ministry, i have been exposed to some awesome times of worship. Some of my favorite times were simply with just one guitar, and people with hearts for worship. But REAL worship... unashamed... no abandon worship. So now i really want to encourage and lead the people (especially the youth) of my church in this type of worship. I get excited when i think about the future of my church. So right now i am putting my efforts and enthusiasms into church... into my friends wedding (I'm her maid of honor)... and into losing weight (taking out my aggression at the gym, and not on my poor parents)! I feel like things are going to be changing a lot soon... and I truly am excited for it all.
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