i feel a little crazy....

It's been a rough week for me... LOTS going on around me...LOTS going on inside my head.

For instance... I no longer have a job. I was working at a local Christian radio station, but they no longer have the funds to keep me hired on. I totally understand this... but i DO miss it. I made some wonderful friendships there. I am hoping to one day be able to go back and work there again. But not having a job is a little stressful and definitely not what i needed on top of all this other stuff...

Also, this last weekend i had a TINY little breakdown. Got into a fight with the parents... cried my eyes out... had nowhere to go... ya know... one of my typical episodes. It was harder still this time because as i sat outside looking at my cell phone, trying to figure out who i could call to come "rescue me" from that disaster... i realized i was pretty much alone. I ended up being fine after all and spent most of my night thinking about and re-evaluating what a "true friend" is. That was a little painful.

Speaking of that whole situation... regarding friendships and all... Last night i sat down and watched the movie "The Holiday" and definitely broke down in tears during one scene. I found the movie quotes online...

"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you... I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."

Um... OUCH! Right? So, as far as this whole situation goes... i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I will simply just continue to pray so hard for restoration and healing. If you want, you all can pray with me in that. (If you know me at all, you know what this is about!) It got a little bit more complicated today... but nothing worth blogging about! Hahaha

BUT... on a much HAPPIER note... i am hopefully starting to get more involved in ministry at my church. I should be back doing worship for the youth soon, and maybe even worship for the main sanctuary on a rotating worship team. I feel like the Lord is telling me to POUR myself into worship ministry right now. Now that i have had a little break from being in ministry, i have been exposed to some awesome times of worship. Some of my favorite times were simply with just one guitar, and people with hearts for worship. But REAL worship... unashamed... no abandon worship. So now i really want to encourage and lead the people (especially the youth) of my church in this type of worship. I get excited when i think about the future of my church. So right now i am putting my efforts and enthusiasms into church... into my friends wedding (I'm her maid of honor)... and into losing weight (taking out my aggression at the gym, and not on my poor parents)! I feel like things are going to be changing a lot soon... and I truly am excited for it all.