my home...

I feel kind of lost right now. Like, im not so sure WHERE it is that i belong.

This week im working up at Forest Home as a nursery "mom" with the toddlers. I dont have any shifts at Starbucks this week, and i needed the extra money. So i was pretty excited to put on that gold nametag and go back "home." The morning was allright. The kids cried and pooped... that was pretty much it.

But then i went up to eat lunch in the Staff dining room. I felt like i was an unwanted guest in my OWN home. It was just awkward. Of course, there were people like Music Mama and Adam that sat and chatted with me... making me feel like nothing had changed. But from the rest of my old friends... it felt like the cold shoulder. I wanted to get out of there, and quick!

My heart just hurts right now. A lot. Forest Home IS my second home. My passion is being there and loving those families. But today i felt like the wind got knocked out of me... my heart was ripped out. I didnt belong... and that is not me.

I'm praying that next week these feelings will have gone. I am staying up there and covering for whoever goes home early on the FYCP staff. Im hoping to work with older kids... i love that. I feel like its my nich. I fit in there... the kids think im cool... i think they are cool... its a good thing. So we shall see. But if i still feel lost... unwanted... whatever... i am just going to have to pray extra hard. I dont want anything spoiling the ONE week i have been looking forward to since LAST YEAR.

Country Music

I'm alright... really... but don't worry, when i become a famous country singer i will definitly be writing a song or two about the relationship woes of dating that boy. The good and the bad i'm sure.
I am really serious about singing and writing songs... and i dont know if people believe me. It's a little weird too... cuz things will just come to me at random times and i will HAVE to write it down before i forget it... or if a melody comes to mind i will HAVE to record it onto my phone or else its gone... But i mean, this has never come to me like this. I use to TRY to write songs and NOTHING would come of it... And so far i've written two pretty good songs. Hey! That's half an EP. Im almost there.
Here's my blog confession for the day: I definitly went online to check out and sign up for Nashville Star. It's like the Country Music version of American Idol. And i REALLY want to go on it... if not to win, at least to have fun and sing a little. I dont even know if i would make it past whatever the first auditions are... but its sure fun to pretend like i'll make it. Who knows... maybe I will be the ones opening for Tim and Faith on their next tour.
Anyways... I just had to get it out there... im a total nerd and i want to be a country super star. There.