my home...

I feel kind of lost right now. Like, im not so sure WHERE it is that i belong.

This week im working up at Forest Home as a nursery "mom" with the toddlers. I dont have any shifts at Starbucks this week, and i needed the extra money. So i was pretty excited to put on that gold nametag and go back "home." The morning was allright. The kids cried and pooped... that was pretty much it.

But then i went up to eat lunch in the Staff dining room. I felt like i was an unwanted guest in my OWN home. It was just awkward. Of course, there were people like Music Mama and Adam that sat and chatted with me... making me feel like nothing had changed. But from the rest of my old friends... it felt like the cold shoulder. I wanted to get out of there, and quick!

My heart just hurts right now. A lot. Forest Home IS my second home. My passion is being there and loving those families. But today i felt like the wind got knocked out of me... my heart was ripped out. I didnt belong... and that is not me.

I'm praying that next week these feelings will have gone. I am staying up there and covering for whoever goes home early on the FYCP staff. Im hoping to work with older kids... i love that. I feel like its my nich. I fit in there... the kids think im cool... i think they are cool... its a good thing. So we shall see. But if i still feel lost... unwanted... whatever... i am just going to have to pray extra hard. I dont want anything spoiling the ONE week i have been looking forward to since LAST YEAR.