last november

Here's another poem i wrote this summer... i was thinking a lot about the whole concept of "I'm not who i was..." and this just came to me. It's super personal, and extremely cathartic...

Last November

"I hate so much of who i was.

No longer the girl who was there that night.

I was drunk.

Not drunk on wine, or hard liquor.

Drunk on affection.

No, affection is the wrong word.

Affection brings forth feelings of endearment.

There were no feelings involved on his part.

He was blank.

And i was drunk.

Drunk on attention.

It started with just a "sip."

Unbuttoning my blouse, then i simply jumped in.

Drowning in his ocean of lies.

The sheets could have been my life vest, saving me from what was to come.

But they were carelessly tossed aside.

We lay there...

Naked.

Vulnerable.

Blank.

Drunk.

I hate so much of that night...

Ciggarettes and peppermint gum.

Scruffy beards and robotic kisses.

Blue Chevy trucks and grey buttons.

I hate him.

I hate me.

I hate so much of who i was."

If you know me at all, you know what this is about. Praise our Father that i have become such a different person. Thats what is so amazing about God... he can take the most awfull situation, and bring forth so much GOOD! Allthough i may have been hurt, and i know what i did that night was wrong... i am thankfull for the lessons learned in it, and who i have become... a woman searching after the heart of her Father in heaven... not about to give herself over to anyone...

Praise God!

Thank you Jesus!